Embracing The Pain

Emotional pain.

Physical pain

.

We tend to hate them both.

About 15 years ago, I was intensely sick for about four months. The bleeding inside my head was increasing the pressure on my brain causing me excruciating pain and vomiting. The doctors had no idea what was wrong with me. Some thought it was an extended migraine headache, another was afraid it could be meningitis, but no one knew for sure. They continued to shove a "boat-load" of pain pills at me, while inside, I felt as if I was slowly dying. Days upon days of pain and nausea tortured me. Nothing was good ...nothing was right....

One day, during all this, I remember sitting in the floor in my home weeping and asking the Lord to do something to end my misery. At this point, I was open to all options.

My pain was deep. So very, very deep.

Emotionally and physically I was hurting beyond what I felt was my level of endurance. The longer my physical pain continued, the deeper my emotional pain became as it plunged me into a dark pit of despair.

How in the world could I possibly embrace the emotional pain I was suffering?  Was my life over? Would I ever smile again? Would I ever heal from such hurting? Depression definitely plagued me as all I wanted was to be normal again. I had forgotten what normal felt like.

Eventually, through prayer and the skills of one doctor (out of many), the cause of my physical pain was discovered and fixed. It was some time later that I came to understand something about this whole ordeal. I discovered that, during my sickness, it was impossible for me to embrace the emotional pain I was going through because the physical pain was too intense. That had to pass first. Since then, however, years of God's patience has taught me to embrace the emotional pain I endured because God was using it to tenderly grow me in my relationship to Him and lead me to see His plans for my life. Now, I am not like I once was before my sickness: God has used the pain to make some amazing changes in my life while fashioning me more into what He wants me to be.  Eventually, I was able to embrace and be thankful for the emotional pain I was put through.

Thankful?  Are you totally nuts Dan?

Maybe....... I've been accused of worse things.

But please understand this one thing about me: today, I am a different person because of that emotional pain I endured. I have been brought to a place with the Lord that I could never have gotten to any other way. Those of you who have tearfully walked this same path know what I mean.

Now, don't get me wrong. Memories of that emotional pain still hurt a lot, but I take it to the Lord very regularly and He knows how to comfort me. The pain I have suffered has drawn me into His presence much more often than I would have otherwise gone, and the things that God has accomplished with my emotional pain continue to be deep and life changing. The Lord has decidedly used it for good in my life in more ways than I could have imagined.

...And He keeps on doing so.....

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Resistance is fu-tile. (The Borg)

Most of the time we try to flee emotional pain.

-- We use medicines to dull it.

-- We run after distractions to get as far away from the pain as we possibly can.

-- We bravely try to stuff it way down inside and ignore that it exists.

-- We struggle and aggressively maneuver our steps in useless attempts to avoid it.

All these methods of dealing with heartfelt, emotional pain are counter-productive and sometimes harmful. Billions of dollars are spent trying to fix this kind of pain while the usual distractions concerning the misuse of drugs, sex, and alcohol have ruined millions of lives. After trying all these avoidance attempts, people are usually worse off than they were before they started, and they just can't figure out why.

Listen to me, there is a better way to handle the pain......and it starts with understanding some key concepts.

Have you ever considered that, for the believer, emotional pain can be a powerful, shaping tool in the hand of the Master Potter.......not as a means of punishment, but instead, used skillfully to mold us into an amazing piece of valuable pottery signatured by the Master Himself? There is a technique used in furniture production called distressing. A chest or table is put through a process of scratching, scarring, and denting that makes it totally unique. No other piece is like it, and people tend to enjoy and appreciate its individuality.

Our pain does something similar to us. The Lord uses it to shape us into a valuable vessel made for His intentions alone. We are crafted into a unique design so that the Lord can use us in His own special way. Isn't it amazing that God would spend so much time on us individually? It is because He loves so much.....

Do you know that there are certain levels of deepness in our relationship to Christ that we can never go to without experiencing personal pain? This idea, while totally true, is absolutely scary to me. I don't know about you, but I have always wanted the deepness in Christ to be prevalent in my life ...... I have just never wanted the pain that might be required of me to get there.

Who does?

Consider the potential outcomes of emotional pain as we hand it over to God and allow Him to use it within us:

-- Pain can drive us tearfully to the feet of the Lord in prayer for hours at a time. Being in His presence that long can produce some amazing outcomes.

-- It can reshape our view of life and show us what really is important. When God

changes our minds and hearts, we always come out stronger, better prepared, and more fully equipped for our journey.

-- Pain can help us discover a new, life-changing strength found only in

Him....it is His supernatural strength within us.

-- It can lead us to a freedom in the Lord that we never knew existed, releasing us from the cruel prisons we have made for ourselves.

--Pain can also be used to powerfully prepare us for the work God is planning for our lives even when we don't yet know what that is!

 Emotional pain did all this and much more for the Biblical figures of Job, Joseph, Paul, and Moses --- just to name a few. If you have read their stories in the Bible, you may know what I mean.

-- All ten of Job's children died and he lost his entire fortune all in one day. As Job tells his story, the deep ache of his heart leaps off the pages.

-- Moses grew up to become a hunted fugitive and then was exiled from his homeland. He spends the next forty years in the desert thinking over the poor choices he made and what he left behind. It was only then that God came to him in the burning bush.

-- Saul (who later becomes the Apostle Paul) gave his approval as he watched believers in Christ being brutally abused and murdered. This made a significant impact on his life after he realized what he had done, and the anguish of his heart is displayed several times within his writings. Paul was changed by this experience so much that, later in life, he writes about actually wanting to experience suffering with Christ. (Philippians 3:10)

Just think of the emotional pain each one of these believers endured.

It was brutal....... just as yours possibly may be today.....

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Joseph

Joseph's story from the Old Testament shows us that he also suffered a lot of emotional pain in his life. (Genesis 37 - 50)

The sequence of events surrounding Joseph's life is quite long, so let me just hit a few highlights for you:

• ·      Joseph was envied and hated by his brothers.
• ·      He was stripped of a special robe of honor given to him by his father and then thrown cruelly into a deep pit.
• ·      Several of his brothers wanted to kill him, but he was eventually sold to some slave traders instead.
• ·      Later, those same slave traders sold him to an Egyptian officer named Potiphar.
• ·      While working hard and being honorable in Potiphar's household, he was falsely accused by Potiphar's wife and then thrown into prison to be punished. Joseph spent several years of his young life in jail while his life, day by day, was slowly slipping away.

Do you suppose that Joseph suffered any emotional pain during these times of his life? Do you think that he had any fears or felt mistreated and forgotten by those around him?

Yeah, I'm sure that he did sometimes.

Eventually, through God's plan for him, Joseph was brought from prison to Pharaoh and then made an honored Prince of Egypt. This action saved both the nations of Israel and Egypt from starvation and set into action a prophecy about the Messiah to come. This whole grueling process, starting with being rejected by his brothers and then eventually being brought into the house of Pharaoh as a Prince, took approximately thirteen years of Joseph's life.

Remember, Joseph had no knowledge of where his life would end up during the years of his trials. As far as he knew, he would probably die in jail innocent of any crime.....but God had different plans for him.

It appears that all through his difficulties, Joseph continued to serve God faithfully no matter what surrounded and influenced his life. The emotional pain he suffered did not turn him away from God. This model is extremely important for me and you to apply to our own lives today.

It is very worthy to note that God was intently using all of these painful events in Joseph's life to prepare him to be the kind of Prince God wanted him to be.....

 God is intently using your emotional pain to prepare you for something too......

Just hang in there......

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 A conversation with Jesus

As I sat one morning meditating before the Lord, my mind happened upon a list of the things I do not like about myself.

My anger.

My self-centeredness.

My profound ability to say the wrong thing at the worst possible time.

These unwelcome traits really discourage me at times while also bringing a lot of emotional pain to my heart. Thoughts of my weaknesses make me uncomfortable as I recognize how often I trip over them at the most unwelcomed of times. And, of course, it usually happens when I least expect it. There are other things that I could place in the list above, too – but I'm just too prideful to let you know about them....... Oh man, did I forget to mention "pride" in my list? Sometimes we get so comfortable with our own weaknesses we tend to forget and ignore them. You know, this happens more times than we really like to admit.

Busted......

As I was tearfully talking to the Lord about these less than desirable traits that are part of me, I was somewhat taken aback with the thought that, as much as I dislike these flaws about myself, Jesus continues to love me anyway. He showers His love on me when I'm angry, sad, moody, or melancholy. Those less desirable parts of myself from which I wish to be free all come together to make me the person that He loves so tenderly. I began to realize that these parts of me (that tend to bring emotional pain with them) are going to always be there no matter what (at least until I get to Heaven). Eventually, it began to dawn on me that, I should embrace those painful things and then present them to the Lord to see what He could do with them. I have found that He is usually pretty good with stuff like that.

While I was pouring out my heart to the Lord, the following was a part of the conversation we were having:

Me. " Lord, I know that You want me to present myself to You, but I have a lot of stuff that I'm not sure that You really want. Stuff I'm not so proud of."

Jesus. "Yeah? Like what?"

Me. " Well, You know...... all the pain in my life, just to mention one thing. I have a lot more of it than I wish I had.

(Pause)

Do you remember that time.....? "

Jesus. "Yeah Dan, I know that it was really painful for you to suffer through that. I stayed close by and tenderly watched after you......"

Me. " And there was the other time ......"

Jesus. "This one was tough also and I understand what you mean..... that pain kept you struggling for a long time.

Me. " Then there was that really troublesome time I endured...... no one ever knew how deeply I hurt over that..... and still do at times. "

Jesus. "I did.... And I still do. I see it in your actions, and feel it in your heart. It does drag you down quite often doesn't it?"

(Silence, as I know what He is saying is true for me.)

Me. " Lord, can you really use any of my pains and hurts to get glory from?"

Jesus. "I can, if you will give them to Me. In fact, I will work them out for good in your life. You just need to embrace them, bring them to Me, and place them into My hands. Dan, you don't have to keep holding on to them......"

All of a sudden, I felt overwhelmed by His love and acceptance of me.

....I think that I just sat and cried on His shoulder for a while after this........

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Control

Some of our responses to emotional pain are governed by a deciding factor:

Do I let it control me? Or, will I take control of it?

Right here I can hear someone say:

"Dan, you don't understand how deep my pain is !"

Yeah, you are right.

No one knows how deep your pain is except Jesus, and He knows all about it even better than you do. He knows how it makes you act and feel even when you are not aware of its effect on you.

Even though it may be deep, none of us has to allow pain to control us forever; taking our emotional pain and placing it into the hands of Jesus (rather than holding onto it ourselves) will begin the healing. The healing that we desire so much may involve a very long process...and possibly the pain will never go away completely, but holding tightly to our pain, and never giving it to Him will eventually produce some awful things within us.

Anger.

Hatred.

Bitterness.

Self-pity.

Resentfulness.

Lack of trust.

Depression.

I know this to be true first hand......and so do you.....

So, what do we do about it?

Embrace the pain......

Gather it up in the whole of your being and take it to Jesus. See yourself taking each hurt in your hand and talking (or crying) to Jesus freely about it. Then place it into His hands. Part of the whole experience of this is the actual letting go from the tight grasp your heart has on it and mentally placing it into Jesus' hands.

Once during a particularly difficult time of ministry, I remember the Lord leading me to this Bible verse.

Psalms 46:10 NIV

10  He says, "Be still, and know that I am God.........

I lightly acknowledged its truth (as we so often do) and continued to apply my attention to the problem before me. As the days passed, the Holy Spirit brought these words to my mind over and over. Eventually, I began to understand that I needed to seek further what they meant.

As I researched this passage of scripture, I found that the words "Be still" meant to "forsake" or "let go of ."

I began to realize that the Lord was instructing me to let go of the pain and problems that I held tightly in my hands and heart.  I needed to let go of them into God's hands so that His healing could begin to take hold in me. I slowly began to see that pain may hold a much higher purpose in our lives than to just make us suffer emotionally.

Romans 8:28 began to take on new significance in my understanding:

28  And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.

......Wow....God even uses the pain in my life for my good......cool....

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What are you hurting over?

Unexpected sickness?

Divorce?

An untimely death?

Betrayal by those who say they love you?

Lies aimed at destroying you?

Financial pressures?

Spiritual hurt?

Stupid decisions? (yours, or maybe even someone else's that affected you adversely)

These are some of the situations (plus possibly a million more) with which we all could identify. In fact, it may be painful for some just to read this list.

It hurts me, too.

I have personally found that Jesus is really experienced at handling the things that cause us emotional pain. What we need to do is to embrace all the pain in our hearts and take it to Him - tenderly placing it into His waiting nail scarred hands. He can hold all that we will give Him.

Hang out for a while. Talk to Him. Weep before Him.

I'm not saying that all the pain we have will ever fully disappear from our hearts, but Jesus will begin healing us the very moment we place it in His hands. He will then continue to work the hurt for our good.

Try it. You will see that there is so much more to pain than you ever realized.

Tenderly Submitted,

Dan

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